What do we mean by “family”?
It’s important to talk about “families” rather than “the family.” From Bible times to today, we’ve witnessed many family configurations. Think through some of the families in the Bible. Remember Abraham? He headed a very large extended family including as many as 318 men, along with children and women (Gen. 14:14). Remember Martha, Mary, and Lazarus? As far as we can tell from the Scripture, we have three adult siblings living together in one home (Luke 10:38-40). Remember Priscilla and Aquila? From our readings, we guess that what we have is a dual-career family (Acts 18:2-3, 26). Remember Moses? What we see here is a cross-cultural adoption (Exod. 2:10). These are just a few families in the Bible. This helps us remember that there is no single family type through which God works.

What are families like today?
In United Methodist congregations we find families of many configurations. They share many characteristics, yet some issues affect the life and health of the family that are unique to each configuration. Here are some that we see in our communities and congregations:

1. Two-parent with children. Although no longer the most common configuration, many people in our congregations fall into this category. Some follow the traditional pattern of one parent working outside the home while the other cares for household and children. Others do not.
2. Dual earner families. This is now the dominant family form for two-parent families with children. For many, it is an economic necessity. The typical difficulties these families face include: managing basic tasks such as housework and childcare, work-family conflict associated with two jobs, and relationship dilemmas created by complex schedules.
3. Families experiencing divorce. All family members need support and nurture from a congregation at the time of divorce. For families with children, when the time of separation occurs, the adults have already moved through some of the stages of loss, but the children may be still at the beginning stage of shock and denial. Also, we know the effect of divorce is strongly felt by teens, yet there is little support for teens in dealing with their parents’ divorce.
4. Single adults. As a result of both the rising age of people entering marriage and the frequency of divorce, men and women spend, on average, more than half their lives unmarried. In addition, with a longer life span, many people find themselves living as widows or widowers for longer periods of time. Needs of singles include basic issues related to companionship, the need to handle all household tasks themselves, and the feeling of being unaccepted, particularly in churches where families with children receive most of the attention.
5. Single-parent households. More than a third of U.S. children will live in a single-parent household for some period during their childhood. A key issue for adults in these households is the need for support from other adults.
6. Remarried families. Many families bring to marriage children from a previous marriage. The relationships of ex-spouses, current spouses, step-siblings, and ex-in-laws add stress and strain on families.
7. Children raised by grandparents. Just as adults feel they are moving away from a direct parenting role, many begin again by parenting their grandchildren. Fatigue is a major factor in their ability to address the needs of their grandchildren. Also, it is a challenge to find time to engage in adult activities when faced with childcare needs.
8. Families caring for aging family members. Some adults find themselves sandwiched between caring for children and caring for aging family members. Some care for aging parents in their homes. Others spend time caring for family members in residential care facilities.

And in any and all these family forms, the following can be happening:

• Abuse and neglect of children
• Acts of violence within households
• Addictive behaviors related to drugs, alcohol, gambling
• Chronic and terminal disease
• Teen pregnancy
• Economic instability

In addition to these problems, there are others that may at first appear less destructive. Yet they also tear at the fragile nature of families and threaten their survival. Time is an element of conflict for families. It is difficult for families to find time for parenting, for relationships, for self, and for becoming a community of faith.

This is our reality. Families are the primary system within which people grow, are formed, and learn to relate to others. Families are imperfect. They’ve never been perfect and will likely never achieve perfection. Our role in the church is to stop exalting an “ideal” family, acknowledge God’s presence in families of all forms, and ask how to support these imperfect, living, breathing, hurting, celebrating families with which we’ve been blessed.

What is our call to ministry?
For many, the family is a primary place for forming and shaping faith. Yet, too many parents and leaders of households are ill equipped to be spiritual leaders. While home may remain the primary place of faith formation for some, the church will be the primary place for others. As people grow and understand their unique relationship as valued children of God, they can begin to apply those understandings to all aspects of their lives.

The church is uniquely structured to shape, strengthen, and support families. Ministry with families is the work of the entire congregation. Loving, caring congregations reach out to families and welcome them; provide experiences that enable them to encounter God in Jesus Christ; generate educational and nurturing opportunities that allow families to be related to God through the transforming power of Jesus Christ; and equip and empower families to live as Christian disciples in their homes, schools, workplaces, communities, and the world.

Congregations can help families understand what it means to be a Christian family and to develop a sense of witness and mission. Congregations should be seen as “family friendly” places of love and hospitality. Congregations have the opportunity to listen to families. They can hear and identify needs of families in their community without presuming to know them. Congregations can call forth leaders to plan and guide ways to minister with the families in their midst. Pastors and lay leaders provide strong support for ministries with families. Family Ministry Coordinators, Christian education staffs, and staff and leaders with children, youth, and adults recognize the importance of families.

Congregations that take seriously their role of nurturing families in the faith can be communities where:

1. Families of many configurations feel affirmed and welcomed;
2. Worship, fellowship, and mission experiences enrich family life;
3. Parents and grandparents develop skills to nurture Christian faith at home;
4. People work to strengthen marriages, and couples constantly build their relationship with God and one another;
5. Single adults are welcomed and supported by relationships with others in the congregation;
6. Families are provided devotional materials and ways to worship in the home as well as in the church;
7. Needs of families are addressed in worship, in small groups, in outreach and nurture opportunities, in the bulletin and newsletter, on the church’s website;
8. Referral information on community resources to address family hurts is easily available.

Resources That Support Ministries with Families

• The Christian Home Month Manual is published annually by the General Board of Discipleship for leaders of family ministries. The purpose is to help congregations develop and strengthen faith in the home and celebrate Christian Home Month. Included are programming ideas and training and retreat suggestions suitable for both congregation and home.
• Family: The Forming Center, Rev. Ed., Marjorie Thompson (Upper Room Books, 1997). This excellent study book is helpful for committees on family ministries and small groups. Available from The Upper Room, (800) 972-0433.
• Guidelines for Leading Your Congregation: 2001-04 Guiding Family Ministries, MaryJane Pierce Norton and Lía Icaza-Willetts (Abingdon, 2000). Guidelines provide basic information for Coordinators of Family Ministries and others holding leadership responsibilities for families in congregations. Available from Cokesbury, (800) 672-1789.

Marriage Ministries
The following resources are available from Discipleship Resources, (800) 972-0433, www.discipleshipresources.org, and Cokesbury, (800) 672-1789:

• Couples Who Care by Jane Ives was created for individuals or small groups looking at ways married couples can support others in marriage.
• Couples Who Cope by Jane Ives focuses on ways married couples survive such issues as infidelity, chronic illness, and separation. It may be used by individuals or small groups.
• Growing in Faith/United in Love by Barb Nardi Kurtz is a six-week study for married couples; it can be used in Sunday school or other small-group settings.

Parenting Ministries Available from Discipleship Resources, (800) 972-0433, www.discipleshipresources.org, and Cokesbury, (800) 672-1789:

• Capture the Moment: Building Faith Traditions for Families, Rick and Sue Isbell, provides information for families and congregations on ways to support families during significant life events, connecting faith with life.

Available from Cokesbury, (800) 672-1789:

• Faith Home, Solomon et al., is a study for parents to help them discuss faith with their children. Resources include sessions for adults and for children, a pastor’s guide, a home guide, and a video for introducing topics.
• Faith Home for Parents. Leaflets designed for parents, addressing a variety of issues, e.g., communicating with children and teens, dealing with death, violence, anger, etc.

Available from The Upper Room, (800) 972-0433, and Cokesbury, (800) 672-1789:

• Living in God’s Time by Margaret Persky provides parents information on faith formation in the home using the seasons of the Christian year.

• Starting Again: A Divorce Recovery Program by Sandra Scott is designed for adults to use individually or in groups.
• Helping Children Cope with Divorce by Jenni Douglas Duncan gives congregations a plan for conducting sessions with children whose parents have divorced.
• Preparing to Marry Again by Dick Dunn guides people entering another marriage and those who work with couples entering another marriage.

Available from The Upper Room, (800) 972-0433:

• Breaking and Mending: Divorce and God’s Grace by Mary Lou Redding gives a personal account of divorce and looks at the spiritual issues of divorce.

Online Resources

• www.gbod.org
• www.gbod.org/family
• www.upperroom.org.
• www.discipleshipresources.org
• www.faithhome.com

Staff available to help:

• MaryJane Pierce Norton, PO Box 340003, Nashville, TN 37203-0003; 877-899-2780, ext. 7170; mnorton@gbod.org.

Lía Icaza-Willetts formerly served on the staff of the General Board of Discipleship. MaryJane Pierce Norton is a Director of Family Ministries, General Board of Discipleship, Nashville, Tennessee.

Updated June 2004