Helping Teens Cope with Dating Violence

Intimate partner violence, defined as the emotional, physical or sexual abuse of a victim by a known perpetrator, is a major public health concern affecting an estimated 1.5 million women in the United States each year.¹ The incidence of dating violence among teenage girls is particularly troubling, with one out of every five girls reportedly being hit, slapped, shoved or forced into a sexual activity by their dating partner. Teenage girls may be even more susceptible to this form of violence, as it occurs during a time when they are struggling with the many developmental and social issues common in adolescence.

To help girls break the silence of abuse, the National Center for Victims of Crime offers several tips for dealing with dating violence.

Tips for teens:

• Contact a victim service provider in your community.
• Talk to a trusted adult.
• Focus on safety.
• Keep detailed records of abusive behavior.
• Consider filing criminal charges.
• Learn more about orders of protection, if available to teens in your state.
• Find out about the behaviors that constitute abuse by reading books, talking to a victim service provider or exploring web sites.

Tips for parents:

• Start the conversation. It is not easy to talk about such a painful topic. Imagine how hard it must be for your child to raise the issue — especially if she is a victim of dating violence. Ask about your teen's relationships by showing concern rather than judgment, so your child does not feel threatened.
• Talk with your kids on their level. Teens don't always get it when you speak to them in abstract terms. Honestly discuss dating and dating violence, using examples such as public figures, book, movie or television characters, people they know. Use both positive and negative examples.
• Talk often. This will help establish clear channels of communication that confirms your interest in your teen's life. Don't be afraid to ask questions and be honest when responding to your child's questions.
• Be Available. Let your teen know that you are always available to talk with her and that nothing is more important to you than her well being. Your child will never open up about such a difficult topic if she feels that you don't have the time to talk about it.
• Give your undivided attention. Your attention should be completely focused on your child and what she has to say. Don't be distracted or allow anything to interrupt your time together. Turn off the television, allow the voice mail to pick up any incoming calls and sit down with your child, one-on-one in a relaxed environment.
• Don't be upset. Try not to get upset if your children are more comfortable talking with another trusted adult, such as a relative, teacher, coach, neighbor, or religious leader. It is important that they know you are OK with them talking to another adult. Remember, the important thing is that they are turning to someone for advice.

¹Patricia Tjaden and Nancy Thoennes. "Extent, Nature and Consequences of Intimate Partner Violence: Findings from the National Violence Against Women Survey." Washington, DC: U.S. Dept. of Justice, Office of Justice Progams, 2000. Publication NCJ 181867. This document is available online in pdf format at the National Criminal Justice Reference Service website.

Source: The Brown University Child and Adolescent Behavior Letter edited by Michelle Montecalvo and published by Manisses Communications Group, Inc. Web Site: www.manisses.com. Used with permission.

Originally Posted 2-14-02


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