Are You Raising Your Grandchildren?
by David and Denise Meister

According to the 2000 US Census, more than six million children across the country are living in households headed by grandparents or other relatives. Of this number, more than 2.4 million grandparents are responsible for meeting the basic needs of their grandchildren.

When our two children reached adulthood, we found ourselves looking forward to spending more quality time together. With a son engaged to be married and a daughter living on her own with her two young children, we anticipated more time for our hobbies, travel, spontaneous dinners out, and activities that we had put on hold during the child-rearing years.

But the warning signs were there . . . all was not well. In today's society, single mothers raising young children face enormous challenges. Their lives are a pressure cooker of worries, financial stress, housing problems, healthcare concerns, stable employment, and quality childcare. Caught in this cycle of frustration and despair, many people escape into drugs and alcohol. The spiral downward leads quickly to loss of employment, unpaid bills, eviction notices, and poor living conditions. And then "the call" comes. Ours came when our distraught daughter called and told of our two grandchildren being removed from her apartment by Protective Services. Fifteen minutes later, Denise was at the courthouse to "take our grandchildren home" rather than have them placed in the foster care system to stay with strangers. Thus started a journey we never anticipated or planned, that of raising our grandchildren.

Unfortunately, our daughter was not able to overcome many of the obstacles in her troubled life. Reunification between our grandchildren and their mother was not possible. Good progress was met with setbacks. After the court terminated parental rights, we officially adopted our grandchildren. Our decision never took any deliberation; it was what we needed to do. Your heart speaks, and you respond.

A lot of time has passed since we received "the call." Many changes have occurred in our lives. Denise retired early from her teaching career to be a "stay-at-home mom" and a home-school teacher for our grandchildren. We have had to reorder our priorities, put some goals on hold, and adjust to becoming a one-income family. While our income loss was substantial and continues to be a real struggle, we are making it. We feel good knowing that our grandchildren are safe and secure and in our care.

The greatest joy is being able to see our grandchildren daily and to share our love in a healthy, safe, secure and loving environment. We are giving our grandchildren their inheritanceÓ now, not in material wealth, but by surrounding them with the love of God that they need and deserve. They will grow up knowing that their biological mother loves them and still has them in her heart but could not, under the circumstances of her troubled life, raise them. They will grow up knowing that our family is unique and blessed, that while grandpa "does the daddy things" and grandma "does the mommy things," their biological mother gave them the precious gift of life. They will grow up knowing they are loved by many and are special in God's sight.

Church leaders need to know some things about this growing population. Grandparent-maintained families are more likely to live in poverty and to be uninsured than parent-maintained families. In addition to the many legal issues, there are issues of health, education, and housing. People who find themselves thrust into raising their grandchildren need to know that support systems and resources are available. Programs such as the Kinship Care Project (see "Resources" in this newsleter) can be a valuable resource for grandparents raising grandchildren.

Raising grandchildren is a very demanding responsibility. It can tax your energy, stress the family finances, and change relationships within and outside the family. While your friends may be enjoying the empty nest, your "nest" is once again full. The tidy home becomes an obstacle course of Hot Wheel cars, and the bathtub hosts rubber ducks and plastic boats. Isolation from peers leads to loneliness. Friends your age are on a different track. Often, grandparents raising grandchildren don't seem to fit in socially.

The church can help these grandparents through prayer and outreach. Beyond just giving advice, help can be extended through lending a hand with the children when a weary grandparent is in need of a break. Respite care or volunteering to give grandpa and grandma a night out (a date) can be a wonderful ministry.

Many grandchildren being raised by their grandparents carry emotional scars, and in some cases, post-traumatic stress. They, too, need our compassion. They grieve a great loss and miss their mommy or daddy. The day and age of a two-parent household with a Mommy and a Daddy has changed. The church must be inclusive in its ministry with these hurting children. We need to address the concerns of this population and not settle for sending a check to a faraway place. There is a mission field in our own neighborhoods and communities.

Please hug these grandchildren and embrace those brave, caring souls (grandparents raising grandchildren) who are willing to do what it takes in sharing their parental love in a very unselfish way. Grandparents raising their grandchildren sometimes experience ridicule and judgment and feelings of guilt in having a child not make it as a parent. A congregation that shows compassion, support, understanding, and love to people who find themselves raising their grandchildren will truly be the body of Jesus Christ!

Written by the Rev. Dave and Denise Meister, First United Methodist Church of Buchanan, Kalamazoo District, West Michigan Conference, who are raising their three grandchildren: Darian, Justice, and Heaven. This article first appeared in the Spring 2004 issue of Center Sage, a publication of the Center on Aging & Older-Adult Ministries.

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