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Helping Children Deal with Disaster, Grief, & Loss
by Mary Alice Gran
As much as we want to shelter our children from experiencing the "heaviness of life," that is an impossibility. Hurricane Katrina and the events of September 11, 2001, remind us of that. Sooner or later, every child will experience a grief situation in his or her life, whether that is losing a pet, a best friend moving away, the death of a grandparent, or other loss. Additionally, with the evening news bringing "play by play" of the devastation of Hurricane Katrina, fear can also enter in. The current happenings in the world come to us graphically and instantaneously. As church friends of children and as parents and/or grandparents, we must be alert and aware of how individual children may be affected by these life experiences.
Many resources are available to help us help children. Some are listed below. Do some reading and thinking now about how you will help a child who comes to you or who states a need in your presence.
- Be prepared to listen, really listen with your heart as well as with your head.
- Reassure the child of God's presence. Be careful to be real with any promises. Children are not comforted by something they know to be false.
- Let children talk as much as they would like without judgment on your part.
- Answer honestly and as completely as appropriate for the age. It is okay to say "I don't know, but (add a statement of reassurance of what you do know)."
- Limit TV exposure.
- The younger the child, the less graphic and detailed your explanations should be.
For more detailed and specific help, please check out the following resources:
Websites
Hint: If you do not personally have access to the Internet, make a visit your local library or ask a family in your congregation to do some research for you. Or ask a teacher if this might be a project for a student.
Children's Ministries, GBOD
www.gbod.org/children
Resources and training to undergird the faith formation of children. The site includes special articles about helping children deal with crises.
UMCOR Relief Supply Needs
http://gbgm-umc.org/umcor/kits.cfm
Directions for helping to assemble UMCOR relief kits.
Global Health and Christian Responsibility, GBGM
http://gbgm-umc.org/missionstudies/globalhealth-yth
Information for children about global health issues and Christian responsibility.
American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry: Helping Children After a Disaster
www.aacap.org/publications/factsfam/disaster.htm
Helping Children Grieve: A Bibliography
www.aplacetoremember.com/frames/bibchild.html
Coping with Tragedy: After Hurricane Katrina
www.nmha.org/reassurance/hurricane/loss.cfm
Helping Children After a Disaster
http://www.aacap.org/publications/factsfam/disaster.htm
Compassion Books
www.compassionbooks.com/cgi-bin/display.pl?cat=b&page=1
Helping Children and Adolescents Cope with Violence and Disasters
www.nimh.nih.gov/publicat/violence.cfm
Helping Children Deal With Tragic Events in Unsettling Times: Tips for Parents and Teachers from the National Association of School Psychologists
http://www.nasponline.org/NEAT/tragicevents.html
Reactions and Guidelines for Children Following Trauma/Disaster
http://www.apa.org/practice/ptguidelines.html
Disaster:Helping Children Cope
www.naspcenter.org/safe_schools/coping.html
FEMA for Kids
http://www.fema.gov/kids/
FEMA for Kids: Disaster Resources (parents' page)
www.fema.gov/kids/teacher.htm#resources
Helping Children and Adolescents Cope with Violence and Disasters
(National Institute of Mental Health) [pdf document]
http://www.nimh.nih.gov/publicat/NIMHviolence.pdf
Helping Children Cope With Disaster and Crisis
Student Support Service Resources on the Internet
http://www.santarosa.k12.fl.us/NetResources4CrisisDisaster.htm
Family Communications/Fred Rogers
http://www.misterrogers.org/families
Click on "Helping Young Children with Tragic Events in the News." Also see www.misterrogers.org/families/fears_main.asp.
Print Resources
Leaflets
FaithHome for Parents, published by Abingdon Press (See especially those on "grief," "anger," and "communicating with your child.") Available from Cokesbury, 1-800-672-1789.
Books
There are many excellent books designed just for children. Check your church library or ask a local children's librarian or school librarian or preschool teacher for recommended books.
For parents and teachers, some classics include:
People Resources in Your Own Community:
- Community Mental Health Department or Counseling Service
- Hospital Chaplain's Office
- Hospice
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Mary Alice Gran (mgran@gbod.org) is the Director of Children's Ministries
at the General Board of Discipleship. This information was adapted and updated from an article that appeared in the Winter 2001 issue of Information: Children's Ministries.
Copyright © 2005 General Board of Discipleship of The United Methodist Church. Permission is granted to copy for use in local congregations.
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