I Feel Safe Here
by Shirley F. Clement

Twenty people in one church were asked what made them feel welcome and how they experienced hospitality in that church, particularly in small groups. The most common responses were that people felt valued and safe.

Although there were some responses in common, each of the people had unique stories. Bill did not believe in God, but came to a small group to appease his wife. Jack wanted to find a new church and new small group because his family, friends, and church had "disowned" him. They blamed him for the breakup of his marriage, which he admitted. Jenny had been raped a few months ago and had not healed to the point where she could accept touch of any kind from members or staff of the church or from people in a small group.

What made these people (as well as others among the twenty interviewed in this one church) feel safe?

• They felt accepted as they were. In their deep search for God, they were allowed to ask any honest question they had about God, about Scripture, about faith. They experienced God's grace in the midst of the group. They did not feel judged.
• They were given space to grow and to heal at their own pace. No one told them how they should feel or how they should respond to pain. The group allowed them to be on their own journey. They were encouraged, not condemned.
• Each person was allowed to come to the point of confession and repentance as he or she was ready. People were encouraged but never forced before they were ready to make this step for themselves.
• The small group knew how to keep confidences. Each of the participants trusted that his or her stories, struggles, and "successes" would remain within the small group.
• The small group was a place of prayer. The participants prayed while they were together in the small group, and they covenanted to pray for one another during the week. They had prayer partners, so it was easier to make a call and ask for prayer.

Biblical hospitality makes small groups both welcoming and safe. A place of biblical hospitality is where "strangers" who act differently, dress differently, are from a different part of town or a different socio-economic group, or who live on the street or in cars, or have just been released from prison, are welcomed and valued as people created by God. They are people through whom God can speak to us, and, therefore, possible messengers from God. A place of biblical hospitality is where people are free to be themselves as they search for God and come to confession in a time that is right for them.

Creating a safe place is not easy. It means that everyone is willing to be vulnerable in talking about struggles and joys. A safe place is a place where all can talk about the moments when God seems far away and the moments when they know God is active in their lives. A small group that offers a safe place for sharing faith is one that can help that to happen.

Shirley F. Clement retired from the staff of the General Board of Discipleship in June 2003.

posted 3-11-03