Book Review
Reawakening to Life: Renewal After a Husband's Death
by Mary Ellen Berry and Carmen Renee Berry (Crossroads, 2002; available from Cokesbury)

reviewed by Soozung Sa

It doesn't matter how much experience we have in the ministry or in life, sometimes it is a challenge to minister to those who are living through a life situation that we, as ministers, have not lived through. Many of us who are called to the ministry are also gifted at handling these types of situations, and many of us appreciate any insights that can help. Carefully crafted words or well-timed presence can make all the difference in the world to those who are grieving. In addition, our care can influence how the person grieving perceives the church or congregation. Although this may not seem right, it is the reality. Connecting people to the life of the church can make a significant difference in the life of the congregation. Grief is a window of opportunity. It should be held with care and tenderness by the spiritual leaders of the congregation, so that those in our ministry do not feel manipulated.

I have not experienced the loss of a spouse, but I have found several women in my ministry who have suffered this loss. Many understand loss, but each loss is different for each person. There isn't a "right" way to heal from death and loss or to celebrate the loved one's life. In trying to connect with women who have lost their spouses, I discovered the helpful book Reawakening to Life: Renewal After a Husband's Death by Mary Ellen Berry and Carmen Renee Berry (Crossroads, 2002). It is a valuable resource for those in ministry to people who are grieving the loss of a spouse.

This book is a quick read, and it helps the reader connect with the emotions of what it is like to lose a spouse. Each chapter ends with a handful of "reawakenings" that are simple, yet profound. We can all relate to loss and to life not working out the way we had hoped and planned; however, this book gives great insight into healthy ways to grieve and into what it means to grieve the loss of a spouse. Below is a list of the "reawakenings." You will need to read the book to get the embellishment and explanation of each "reawakening."

• Give yourself plenty of time to grieve.
• Put one foot in front of the other, one step at a time and one day at time.
• Expect good things.
• It's okay to be angry with God or to be confused or unsure of your faith.
• Protect yourself from others who can't tolerate your feelings and doubts.
• Live in your faith and visit your doubts.
• Allow God's presence to comfort you.
• Hold on to the belief that God has a purpose for you.
• Work toward accepting that your life has changed and will never be the same.
• Don't expect to be perfect through this process.
• Don't push yourself.
• Model how to rebuild a life for your children.
• Keep fond memories of your husband alive.
• Make it okay to be happy.
• Accept support from your children.
• Transform traditions.
• Take comfort in memories.
• Don't waste time with "what ifs" when it comes to money.
• Become a financial student.
• Think creatively about your finances.
• Give yourself time to decide where to live.
• Be open to creative arrangements.
• Let the process of going through your husband's belongings help you heal.
• Keep only what you want.
• Enjoy making your own decorating decisions.
• Protect your need to grieve and rebuild your life.
• As you heal, be open to helping others.
• Recognize your unique gifts.
• Let God lead you.
• Recognize that you don't need a man to be happy.
• Don't jump into a new romance prematurely.
• Never say never.
• Do something that honors your late husband.
• Follow in your late husband's footsteps.
• Find your own niche.
• Get on the road again.
• Release regrets and embrace gratitude.

Soozung Sa is a former staff member of the General Board of Discipleship.

Posted 11-19-03.