Valuing Relationships in Small Groups
by Diana L. Hynson, Director, Learning and Teaching Ministries, General Board of Discipleship

Norman, one of the spiritual leaders in my recent Emmaus Walk, is from Germany. He is a handsome, middle-aged man whom I had not met before. Through our long weekend together, Norman became the center of some good-natured teasing. I learned that he has a loving spirit and a good sense of humor. Norman took all the joking quite well, initiated some of it himself, and the group had a lot of fun together. He led some of our worship time and was attentive to the spiritual needs of the Emmaus "pilgrims," including me. From this observation, I felt a sense of relationship and kinship.

We also develop kinship with others in a Sunday school class, work group, planning team, faith-sharing group, or other small-group setting. We see that one person expresses opinions with force and conviction. We see that another sits quietly, rarely saying much. Someone else is a behind-the-scenes worker who is great at unobtrusive follow-through. Another is always available for prayer and support; the task is secondary. We form opinions about these people, and we operate from those images and the values we place on them. Yet there is always more to know and to value among the many people we encounter on our Christian journeys. Small-group settings give us a natural arena through which to deepen those understandings.

As my Emmaus event continued, Norman told of an experience as a young recruit in the U.S. Army. He had met a charming young woman who "picked up the strays" at Thanksgiving, so he accompanied her home for the holiday. Norman told of being mystified at how her brother stared at him constantly throughout dinner. Later, she explained to him that all her brother could see at that point was the stereotypical, blond, blue-eyed young Nazi at whose hand a family member had suffered during World War II. Norman later married this young woman, and his relationship with his brother-in-law became quite close as well.

That story moved me greatly. In letting us "under the surface," Norman reminded all of us how vulnerable we can be, even when it doesn't immediately show. How important it is to know someone else's story before thinking that we really know him or her. How many people suffer from the ingrained biases that many others of us don't even see? What other formative life experiences reside under the surface? Norman also reminded me of the grace inherent in trust and of the power of love to change lives. Grace and love have the chance to grow as we abide with one another in small groups.

Norman's story further reminded me that there is typically more than one way to view a situation and to choose how to deal with it. The unique life-experiences of others in our groups help us recall this important truth. We may unite because of our commonalities, but our strength comes from the variety of gifts and experiences we bring together. I am grateful that I was allowed to see more deeply into Norman's life. Small-group experiences in which we value and celebrate one another change and enhance our lives.

posted 1-27-03