Developing a Discipleship System
Is There Place for Jill and Mark?
by Ralph E. Bauserman, Evangelism Consultant, General Board of Discipleship

My wife and I live on a farm located on a country road in the scenic hills of southeastern Ohio. On the road leading past our farm, there are more than a dozen families; however, only two of those families are actively related to a church. Since we take our call to discipleship seriously, my wife and I are very intentional about developing relationships with our neighbors. Quite frankly, we look for even the smallest opportunity to draw them into conversations about how faith is related to real life situations; and we are always alert to that special moment when it seems natural and non-threatening to invite them to our church.

Over a period of several months, it has been our privilege to develop a growing relationship with Jill and Mark, a young couple who live less than a mile from our farm. At an opportune time, we invited them to our church, and they agreed to come. They met us for Sunday school; we helped them with the placement of their children; and they accompanied us to our class. We sat together during the morning worship service. Afterward, we took them to lunch; and it was a pleasant experience. Jill and Mark came back a few Sundays, then they tapered off in their attendance; and now they have disappeared. In my follow-up contacts with Mark, he has been polite and friendly, but somewhat tense and evasive.

Although I cannot be sure of all the dynamics in this scenario, one has become obvious to me: our church family never quite knew what to do with Jill and Mark. Their family is one that that lives on the fringes of our society. Mark has had serious problems with alcohol and drugs. Before their marriage to each other, each of them had been through nasty divorces. Mark brought two small children into the marriage, and he and Jill have had two more children of their own. This family lacks what many would call "social graces." Their children do not quite know how to behave in a church setting. The rusted-out family car looked out of place in the church parking lot. Although our church is not a "high" church by any stretch of the imagination, I am sure that our worship service with organ music and some liturgy was somewhat frightening to Jill and Mark. Try as they did, they never quite fit in with our church family. They knew it, and so did some of us.

In defense of our church, we did attempt to reach out to Jill and Mark — at least a little. Because they were first-time visitors, someone from our church visited them at their home, and our pastor followed up. I have stayed in touch with Jill and Mark, while being very careful not to do anything to wreck an already fragile relationship. However, Jill and Mark have come and gone, and most of our church family does not know or seem to care. As far as I know, when our families cluster following morning worship to decide where they will go for lunch, none of them has made any effort to include Jill and Mark. I doubt if Jill and Mark have been invited to any church members' homes for a meal. If I am to be absolutely honest, I have to admit that our church family never seems to know what to do with the Jills and Marks of our society. We have such subtle ways of excluding people from our fellowship.

I do not know if our home church will ever know how to receive, accept, and include the Jills and Marks of this life, but I do know that we had better be about the task of learning. After all, if we are charged with the responsibility of sharing the gospel of Jesus Christ with a wounded and broken world, and if we are intentional about developing a discipleship system, then we must know what to do with those whom God sends our way.

By the way, would your church know what to do with Jill and Mark?

posted 4-15-02