I am not a friendly traveler. Travel is an exhausting hassle for me, so I tend to hide myself in a book in airports, on planes, shuttles, in taxis, and so on. I am never the one to initiate conversation with other people, and I will often excuse myself when others try to initiate conversation with me. I’m not intentionally unfriendly, but I am extremely protective of my emotional space. Perhaps I rob myself of valuable experiences and encounters. A recent trip to San Francisco makes me wonder.

While waiting for a delayed flight in the San Francisco airport, I was besieged by five college students who, looking for a place to sit, found what they were looking for on either side of, and across from, me. They weren’t being rude or noisy, and I endeavored to ignore them. I was reading Elizabeth Lesser’s, The New American Spirituality when one of the young men — who had more things pierced on his body than Custer had bullet holes — leaned close and asked what my book was about. I prepared to deflect his invitation to chat politely, when I noticed that all five young people were looking at me, awaiting my response. I began to describe the book and was frequently interrupted by a torrent of questions from all five of the students. I felt like I was handing out food to starving children. The more I explained — not just of the book, but of the Bible and other sources — the more intensely their questions poured forth. Good questions, hard questions — better questions than I hear in most churches — about God, faith, relationships, meaning, purpose, practice, and worship. For more than two hours I played "air terminal guru" to a small cadre of disciples. Two of the young people were "churched" and had some background in the Christian faith from which to draw. One girl was raised Buddhist, another nominally Jewish. The last guy said his family worshiped at the altar of "beer and wrestling." His entire church life involved one wedding and one funeral.

The reason I am telling this story relates to the eight statements that follow. These were observations that the young people shared with me that I wrote down. I believe they are critical challenges for any denomination, but specifically for our United Methodist Church. They speak volumes about the needs, hungers, and expectations of a young generation. I do not believe they are definitive or exhaustive, but I am convinced that they are representative of many voices that are not being heard in our church today. Following each of the eight statements, I have written my reflections and noted the questions they raise in my mind. Perhaps they may guide discussions for you with others in your congregation.

1. "For the past six years I have gone to one of the biggest United Methodist Churches in the entire Midwest. There are a half dozen different services and lots of events. People are in groups, and we do fun stuff all the time. The music is great, and I did a Bible study; but it feels like going to a fun house. You get hustled along, and then you end up outside wondering, 'What was that all about?' I've gone to church there for six years, and I don't know God any better now than I did before."

   One of the most troubling comments I hear from active, committed church people of all ages is that they aren’t growing closer to God through their church involvement. Especially with younger people, there is a passion to know God that draws them to church; but they often report that there is little to sustain their passion. One young man said it this way, "It’s like going in expecting a full-course meal and getting cookies and milk." Another asked, "Why is everything so watered down? Why are people [in church] avoiding the really big things?"

   In the past, church leaders been concerned that if we demand too much or expect too much, we might drive people away. Now, the converse is true: We may drive people away by demanding and expecting too little. The young man that initiated the conversation shook his head and lamented, "The church is the last place I would turn if I were looking to know God."

   • How does the statement — "the church is the last place I would turn if I were looking to know God" — make you feel? In what ways is it valid? In what ways is it false?
   • What does it mean for people to be active in a church for six years (especially one that is considered highly successful) and say that they have learned nothing about God?
   • Are there ways in which we offer "snacks" to spiritual seekers who are starved for "solid food"?

2. "I don’t want to go someplace to watch a few people badly perform a bunch of rituals for me and call that worship. I don’t even want it if it is all slick and professional. I want to be with six or eight close friends I know really well — who know me — with whom I can live my faith. I want to worship and read the Bible and pray with these people instead of wasting an hour every Sunday."

   How is it that what we offer as worship in our churches we so mightily defend as the "right" way? We essentially determine "active church membership" by how often people show up for our worship services. It doesn’t matter whether the worship is meaningful. It doesn’t matter at what level people participate. All that matters is that they attend.

   Worship is an essential part of the Christian faith, but what determines "worship"? Can a group of six to eight people who form a close-knit covenant group worship as effectively as six hundred people in a large auditorium? Or perhaps we should more appropriately ask, "Is it possible for six hundred people to worship as effectively as six to eight people in close-knit covenant!"
   

   • How do we create worshipful settings for people with needs different from our traditional twentieth-century version of Protestant worship?
   • The intention of worship is to involve people in honoring and glorifying God. In what ways do we involve people, and in what ways do we perform worship for people?
   • What messages do we communicate to people when we allow them to sit passively through worship, being consumers rather than contributors?

3. "I grew up in three different churches. I always wondered, ‘Who are we worshiping anyway?’ Everywhere it was the same. It never felt like we stayed focused on God. Were we worshiping church? Maybe the dollar? Maybe our own egos — like, hey if you’re Christian and God loves you, then you’re okay? Maybe we were worshiping the organist or the pastor? But worshiping God? I don’t think so!"

   What does it say about our churches when people leave unclear about our focus? This is not an unusual complaint. In a survey I conducted while on a study leave, more than 4,000 United Methodists responded to the following question: "The primary focus of worship in my church seems to be":

   1. how to live as a Christian in the world.
   2. to understand the will of God for our lives.
   3. to give thanks and adoration to God.
   4. to teach us what the Bible says.
   5. I’m not sure.

   Forty-one percent answered "B." Twenty-seven percent answered "D." Seventeen percent said "A," while another twelve percent answered "C". Three percent weren’t sure. Most surprisingly, in very few churches was there agreement among leaders and members about what the focus of worship ought to be. Overwhelmingly, people said that they believed that worship should be more about God and less about us. However, in answer to the question — "What have you learned in worship in the last month?" — the most frequent answer was "God loves me." The second most prevalent answer was, "God wants me to live a good life." The next most frequent answer was, "I should be more giving and forgiving." We seem to be learning about us in worship, not primarily about God. When people enter our churches seeking to find God, to enter into a life-changing relationship with God, how can we help them if our own focus is unclear?

   • What does the focus of worship seem to be in your congregation?
   • What have you learned in worship in the last month?
   • How well do you know what visitors think about your church when they attend? How might you find out what other people think is the primary focus of your worship service?

4. "My parents never went to church, so I have no idea what is supposed to happen. I need to ask questions — little questions about why we do the things we do the way we do them and big questions that don’t have simple answers. Most places I go, I feel like I’m stupid or that people disapprove of me when I ask questions."

   If there is one common flaw in The United Methodist Church today it is that our leaders often act on unexamined assumptions about the people who enter our churches. Gone are the days when the majority of visitors have some familiarity with our beliefs, our practices, and our procedures. A variety of polls and surveys indicate that the average church visitor today has as much background in other religions and new-age philosophy as he or she has in Christianity. Many of our young people are in "sponge mode," moving from place to place, absorbing as much new information and new thinking as possible. They have been trained in the public schools that have adopted dialogue and interactivity as preferred teaching methods. They enter the church expecting to ask questions, challenge assumptions, and debate disagreements. Too often, our younger visitors are being dismissed as ignorant, disrespectful, and disruptive (actually, the same attitude held by the religious authorities of the first century when Jesus "visited").

   • What questions do visitors to your congregation have?
   • How do the leaders of your congregation deal with people who raise questions? challenge assumptions? want to debate issues of belief or practice?
   • What would the reaction be in your church if visitors interrupted worship services to ask questions? What would the reaction be if newcomers challenged the teachings of the pastors or lay leaders?
   • How can we help seekers with questions — both big and small — find appropriate avenues for dialogue and conversation in our churches?

5. "I don’t want to talk faith as a theory, but as a practice. I want the church to help me know how to live a good, kind life. I don’t need platitudes. I go to a church where all they talk about is love, but everyone there looks at me like they’re terrified of me." (This young man — call him Scott — has bright blue spiked hair, a nose stud, a tongue stud, a cheek stud, a safety pin through his lower lip, at least eight earrings in each ear, and a tattoo of a blood droplet at the corner of his left eye. Scott is also one of the friendliest, most intelligent people I have met in a long time. He scared me before I got to know him.)

   Hypocrisy is never pretty. The only defense we have for saying we believe one thing and then doing the opposite is that we are human and not perfect. However, many churches espouse a belief system that does not get lived out in the real world. We proclaim love, but live fear. We preach tolerance, but we foster prejudice. We offer mercy, but deliver judgement. To those who are looking for a place to be welcomed and accepted just as they are, this is deeply hurtful and frustrating. Significant numbers of the younger generation — in fact, all generations — endeavor to understand what they have been placed on earth for. They seek meaning, purpose, and a place where they can live with integrity. The church has enormous potential to provide such a place.

   • How does your congregation respond to people who are significantly different? As you think about your community, are there individuals or groups who would cause fear, distrust, or anxiety were they to enter your church?
   • In what ways do you find consistency between what your church leaders teach and the way the fellowship lives? Where do you see inconsistencies? What might these inconsistencies look like to visitors and outsiders?

6. "My family moved from Japan when I was three. My parents are Zen Buddhists. As I grew up, in addition to the teachings of the Buddha, my parents had me read the Upanishad, the Koran, the Torah, the Gospels, and other Hindu, Christian, and Jewish writings. I now go to Christian churches and try to talk about my faith journey, which blends teachings from many traditions. Most Christians, I have found, are not conversant in other faiths; but they hold strong opinions that other beliefs are inferior. I go seeking to learn, but what I find most are closed minds."

   A prominent leader in evangelism ministries said to me not long ago, "I don’t talk to Buddhists. They can’t tell me anything I need to know, and they won’t listen to the truth, so why bother. I’ve got better ways to spend my time."

   What do we imply about a child of God when we decide that to talk to him or her is a waste of time because we cannot convert him or her to our way of thinking? How can we hope to answer the questions of people of other faith backgrounds when we refuse to understand their context? If, indeed, we hold the Christian faith to be superior, to be "the way, the truth, and the life," then shouldn’t we be able to enter unafraid into conversation with members of other belief systems? A significant number of seekers to the Christian faith are turned off by the antagonism held by Christians for non-Christians. The same gentleman mentioned before is fond of saying, "There is no such thing as a non-Christian, just unchristian." As we as a church become ever more global, there is less and less space for such attitudes.

   • What faith traditions are represented in your community? What do you know and understand about non-Christian faiths?
   • How well would you be able to explain to a visitor how Christianity compares to Buddhism? Hinduism? Judaism? Islam? Jainism?
   • What might your congregation’s leaders do to help educate the fellowship about the varieties of religions and belief systems?
   • Why do people feel threatened by members of different religions, faith traditions, and belief systems? How might we address these feelings?

7. "Why is it so hard to do things in the church? My uncle had a ton of blankets and stuff, so my girlfriend and I told my church that we had them and that we wanted to give them to homeless and poor people. They said we needed to tell the head of the mission committee who would have to bring a proposal to, like, the governing body, and they would vote on it; and then we would have to meet with them to organize stuff. We said 'forget it' and took a pickup truck downtown and gave away all the stuff in about an hour."

   One earmark of twenty-somethings is a low tolerance for bureaucracy and institutional protocol. When people are needy, twenty-somethings don’t want to bring helping them to a vote. They just want to help them. Interestingly, it is not just the "younger" generation that feels this way. A significant number of forty- and fifty-somethings are steering their efforts away from the church for the same reason — they don’t want to talk about helping; they want to help. In many cases, our organizational structure and processes take more time than the actual ministries they support. A woman from my home church recently left her committee position saying, "It has taken us four months and about one hundred hours to plan a five-hour workday. This is ridiculous!"

   • In what ways does your church make it easy to be in ministry? In what ways does your church make it more difficult than it needs to be?
   • What is the process in your church to begin a new ministry or project? If a newcomer came suggesting a new ministry or project, how would he or she be received?
   • What portion of time does your congregation’s leadership spend in

     • worship
     • Bible study
     • prayer together
     • planning
     • administrative tasks
     • fellowship experiences
     • work projects

   What does this indicate about your congregation’s priorities?

8. "Is this really what Jesus wants? I have been reading the gospels and nowhere do I see a model for the kind of church we have today. Do you think Jesus is happy with all the buildings and programs and hierarchy?"

   Personally, I do not think the modern church is what Jesus had in mind; but neither do I think we are inherently bad. I don’t believe Jesus ever intended the church to be a place we attend. I think Jesus' expectation was that we would be the church wherever we go in the world. The church is about people and relationships and honoring God by accomplishing God’s will. The focus of the church is not on itself, but on God and all God’s creation. Today’s twenty-somethings are not joiners in the club membership sense of the word, but they desperately seek connection to something larger than themselves. Many hope that the church might be that greater purpose, that higher good.

   • In what ways do we define ourselves as church? In what ways do we define church as the place we go on Sunday morning? How does the place we go on Sunday morning help us to be the church the rest of the week?
   • In what ways do you believe Jesus is delighted with what your church does? In what ways might Jesus be disappointed?
   • When visitors and newcomers leave your church building, how has your congregation helped to define (or redefine) "church" for them?

Conclusion

The call for the Colorado flight came, and the five young people got up to board. Amid hurried good-byes, Scott wagged his thumb and little finger at me and said, "You know. If you want to tell church leaders something important, tell them this: 'Stop trying to turn us into Christians and help us be like Christ instead.'" With that, he scooped up his backpack and was gone.

These kids didn’t have all the answers, and perhaps some of their criticisms were uninformed and unfair. However, nothing they said is easy to ignore. Churches of many denominations hold national seminars to teach church leaders how to reach the young and the unchurched. We’ve got books, magazines, and web sites trying to help us reach this "market." What I realized as I sat in the waiting area for my plane to board is that we need to do less talking about them and spend more time talking to them. It is my fervent hope that as your congregation explores some of these issues, you may be motivated to reach out and receive some young strangers, to listen to what they have to say, and to seek God’s guidance for ways that new relationships might be formed.

Dan R. Dick is a former staff member of the General Board of Discipleship.

Posted 6-14-01